Friday, August 25, 2006

The Queen and the Dairyman

Once upon a time in faraway village, there lived a humble dairyman by the name of Gino Carpio. Gino was satisfied with his daily routine of attending his cows- from milking and feeding them early in the morning, to the delivery of the bottles of milk he obtained from them, to the village folk in the valley below his farm.

One of the patrons who loved his milk very much is Melody, the queen of the village. Every morning she would tell one of her trusted maids to go down to the village gate and bring back to her news if Gino has passed by riding on his dairy wagon. She will then put on her disguise- a peasant’s dress and a red hood so that nobody will recognize her and stand in wait at the village gate to get his milk.

Gino, unaware of the identity of his patron, would just go about his everyday business and will sometimes stop to chat with Melody after serving her his milk.

Weeks passed by and the two became very close friends, so close that the village folk who usually see them chatting in the village plaza often mistake them as lovers spending their time together!

However, trouble was looming down on Melody’s village, for the greedy king of a nearby village is secretly mounting up his soldiers to attack and destroy Melody’s. Melody and her subjects are unaware of the king’s intention and is lying defenseless of the brewing attack.

It was during one of those morning trips of Gino, when he passed by the village gate that he happened to see three suspicious looking men carrying trays of duck eggs heading to the direction of the palace. This stirred his interest so he hastily followed one man who made a stop by the village inn.

He waited a few hours until he saw the man come out and went in an alley. In the man’s hurry, an egg fell from the tray he was carrying and rolled in the gutter.

Gino noticed that when the egg fell, it contained no yolk but a piece of paper! He grabbed the piece of paper and read the message that is written and he was surprised when he learned that the message was for the greedy king’s awaiting soldiers and that they are ordered to attack Melody’s village at dawn the next day!

Gino hurriedly proceeded to the village gate for he doesn’t want to miss delivering his bottles to melody, who by this time was sitting by the village gate and was wondering what happened to her friend that made him miss out with his delivery.

Gino explained what happened and what he saw to melody and asked her if she could go to the queen’s palace and inform the queen of the dreadful news.

Melody upon hearing the news, quickly revealed her true self to Gino and ordered that she be taken to the palace immediately so that she can order the general of her army to meet all the village folk and tell them what to do.

All the people gathered around the village plaza, and the town crier was ordered to make a rant of the queen’s order for all the women and children to be evacuated immediately to the mountains behind the village.

At dawn the next day, as the greedy king’s army attacked the village they were surprised to learn that not a soul was in sight and all the houses are empty!

As the greedy king’s soldiers sat in surprise, suddenly Gino as ubiquitous with his wits and tools as always, suddenly appeared along with the villagers and pounced on the surprised army.

At daybreak, Gino and Melody’s army was winning the battle and by noontime they were already celebrating in victory. Melody thanked Gino for his gallantry and they married right away. The two lived happily ever after with their 36 sons and daughters.


New sport made entirely for highland extreme waves enthusiasts

In the Mountain province of Bunhok, the townsfolk are well contented with their simple lives. They go about their daily duties of tending the rice paddies and terraces that is their primary source of food and income. The place is nothing but a picture of harmony, with the occasional disturbance created by a screaming farmer brave enough to do a sport that looks like wakeboarding but with his carabao as a makeshift speed boat here and there.

Looks awkward doesn’t it? Yes it’s nothing but a new sport invented by Gino Carpio, the current National extreme waves wakeboard champion, the sport he called as “Skii-Bao”

To go ‘Ski-baoing’ one must have water skis (used traditionally in wakeboarding), a ‘Quitis’ or rocket firecracker, and a carabao to strap in and hold on to. To start the action one must have to securely strap the reigns to the carabao, put the firecracker thru its butt and light it, add in an insane mind and away you’ll go!

In an interview, the champ said that he invented this sport as he wants the farmers of the highlands to enjoy the feel of the extreme waves of the ocean- something they cannot do so, due to their location which is at the uppermost tip of Southern Cebu, and approximately 69 kilometers and 8 hours away from the metropolitan!

Already, this new sport is currently a hit with the farmers who’s making waves but at their carabao’s expense. Enthusiasts hope that this new sport will be recognized as a potential sport in the country.

Spectators on the other hand is widely supporting the competition and also looks forward, (mouth-watering) to get their pieces off the meat of the carabao skis.

A Ski-bao athlete (Shown in the picture) demonstrate the steps to start the action.
His carabao died 45 minutes later due to an incarcerated wound in its butt.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

A Letter of Complaint-from hell!

The Manager
Durabille- trysikille Appliance Center
346, Kalye Pakaging, Cebu City

Dear Sir,

I wrote to you this letter as I wish to bring up to you some complaints that I have concerning the television unit “United-Devil eye wide screen” model no: 220 that I bought last week (August 4, 2006) from your store.

When I tested viewing it for the first time, I found out that I can only watch 3 channels on VHF (as opposed to your 101 channel reception on VHF), and when I tuned it to MTV channel 29 which is on UHF, the unit emitted a wailing sound sort of like those emitted by possessed persons!

The next day, when I turned it on again (bearing with just three channels) this time the power knob fell off so I had to poke the power knob hole with a toothpick to turn the damned unit on.

The problem did not stop there, because 5 minutes later the screen blinked 3 times and suddenly exploded, knocking me out of the sofa where I was sitting!

The fire that followed because of the explosion was so immense that it burned half of my house-from the living room up to the kitchen!

Luckily, some of my neighbors saw what happened and called up the fire department for help, while some brave hearts stormed in on my house and brought me to the nearest hospital.

While I’m writing this letter to you, I’m still in the hospital ward recuperating from the 3rd degree burns I received on my face, all because of this god dammed television set of yours!

I demand a compensation of P1, 000,000 for the damage that your television set has caused me and my property, or face a lawsuit by my lawyer.

If you wish to contact me for clarification on my complaint, you can see me at ward 5110i, San Bruno General Hospital, English B. Rodriguez St., Cebu City anytime until Friday this week.

I hope that my complaint will not go unnoticed by your office, as my patience is slowly running out.

Bernard Alimatok Jr.

683, Barangay Cambinokut, Cebu City