Showing posts with label absurd writings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label absurd writings. Show all posts

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Clandestine - (Writing Exercise: Truth)

Supposing a drunk sits next to you in a bar, thinks you are his or her close friend and starts confessing “the truth.” Write about what “the truth” is in at least 200 words.

Capping my Friday night off the counter, downing 3 cold bottles of beer, I decided this is just one of those nights.

The dimly lit tavern, eyes blinking to the sound of blunt sonatas disturbed once in a while by the laughter of eager individuals relieving their troubles away with restless company.

Drinking my second bottle, I turned around to see who among the populace am I sitting with- but all I can see are silhouettes illuminated by the pale light.

Leaning over to reach for my wallet to pay the sarcastic new bartender who’s constantly eyeing me as if I will scram the minute I’ll stand.

Just then a hand patted mine. I looked up to see a stranger, who’s seemed to have gotten loaded somewhere, looking like an executive but smelling puke and with the look from his sleeves, obviously went through a beating.

Not to be rude and the affable person that I am, I begged pardon and asked who he is and motioned him to take a seat. Maybe I’ve known him from somewhere but I just couldn’t remember…with a rolling gait, he sat down.

He said in a freaky voice…"I am Randy (Hik) and you are Albert (Hik)… the awesome duo who always owns the night!” No I retorted, I’m Jovir and I don’t know you bai…you might have mistaken me for somebody else… He just smiled and pressed a finger in a hush and with a husky voice this time, spoke up “Bartender…bai, I’d like two more bottles of Red Horse kanang bugnaw kaayo” he calls him.

Turning freaky again, “Not another word from you, but did you remember our night out with Frank and Colleen? Jeez, I just don’t know how to say to her face that I'm gay! I mean just being there with the two of them, I just can’t bear looking at frank; my, the look of those muscles took me away for good. I just don’t know how to say this straight to Colleen that I just don’t love her; how with her every caress I long for Frank’s instead. This is what keeps bugging me; maybe you can help me out.

Noticing the situation and realizing evil fun with free beers. I just patted him and quipped “Ow Randy sometimes it’s just easier to let go and tell the truth. After all, it’s your life and your happiness that’s at stake here, better let it go!” all the while motioning him to go on.

“(Hik) You know what bert, I have sinned against my wife big time and I just couldn’t bear the truth of her reaction that her perfect husband is not all whom she thinks! You know what, me and Frank made it out tonight in his car. I had the time of my life when that pun of his made it through, how big as well, felt like my rear’s gonna explode and it’s still aching until now! I know you’ll drool when you’ll see it, but I’m certainly not sharing it with you!”

Nodding my head in sheer amusement with the things I heard, all the while gulping another bottle given by the bartender. I figured not to go on with the conversation so I’ll never hear more of his silly revelations but no, for he uttered further.

“How about we go to the restrooms (Hik) and I’ll let you feel the hole he’s made, I'm sure you’ll love it”

That’s it I’ve had enough…





Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Writing Exercises: Making a Super-product Flyer


In the writer's pool we had a stretch to make a flyer copy for a super product we can think of, in an hour, complete with loads of information for the product in one small piece of paper and still manage to keep it interesting to sell even if the product itself may come as boring.

Here's what i came up with...hahaha


Time Capsule Coffin ZXD


In 201 B.C. the Pharaohs of Egypt built the great pyramids to settle in when they die and to preserve their bodies,watching the eons pass by...

Well, they gave us wonders to see, but did their sarcophagi and pyramids held true to their motive?

From the makers of NASA Space capsules – Pantheon Technologies Ltd. comes the state of the art innovation of a funeral equipment that everybody most offend neglects and hates the sight of – the traditional coffin.

Now you’ll never be afraid of death and look at coffins the same way again with Time Capsule Coffin ZXD complete with technological features:

  • Titanium Exoskeleton for maximum protection from the elements and the wear and tear of time
  • NBC (Nuclear, Biochemical, and Chemical) shield
  • Lifetime- Environment Microchip Controller, giving you the right amount of moisture and preservative- for that fresh first day of death look
  • EVAC INI- Evacuation Initiator, with all-terrain wheels and rocket boosters (Your computer guardian complete with danger sensors to automatically transfer you to another area in cases of emergency)
  • Light Weight and No Batteries! – Time capsule coffins come with self producing power paint that will last as long your coffin does
  • Comes in Custom-made Stylish Colors and Designs that will surely fit you and your lifestyle


With Time Capsule Coffin ZXD, unlike the foolish pharaohs, why would you just live for one lifetime when you can last FOREVER

Visit our website now at: www.pantheontech.com or call our toll free hotline at: 1-800-622. Our friendly technicians will attend to your needs 24/7. Just contact us thru these details and we’ll visit, advice, and give a quote on the unit that you want, wherever you are in the World!


Pantheon Technologies Ltd.

Harnessing technology to stand the test of time

www.pantheontech.com